Blog. Because videos are lonely if you do them in your bedroom by yourself.

This will really have very little to do with Disney. It's just something I feel like talking about.

So last night I was up the entire night (well, that's actually a lie--I laid down for an hour from 4am to 5am) attempting to write a paper for my advertising class. It was only a five-page paper, and it's not like I've never written anything longer (try 3x+ longer), but I just couldn't find any sort of motivation to write it. I spent all day yesterday, all day Sunday, and the part of Saturday that I was home working on it. As of 5am this morning, I only had two sentences written.
It's not like I hadn't done research or prepared. I had outlines and post-its and all sorts of stuff in preparation for the paper. I just couldn't write it. And therein lies my blog.

As a kid (elementary, middle school), I loved writing. It was my favorite thing ever--especially creative writing. I once wrote an awesome story about a leprechaun when I was in, like, second grade or something. If I find it, I'll transcribe it here. I wrote another great story about squirrels on a quest to save a dying friend...that one was in High School. Heck, I even occasionally got in to my research papers. Especially if it was something in which I was interested.

That has changed over the past four years, though.

I started college willing to write papers and research. And I did. And I wrote them well. However, as the years dragged on, I very quickly grew tired of writing. To be fair, at first it wasn't so much the writing, but the constraints. I don't understand length requirements. If I can say in two and a half pages what someone else needs 6 pages to write, I think I'm the better writer because I'm concise and will hold a reader's attention. I'm wrong though. Quantity over quality. I could write the best papers ever (and I have *toot toot*) complete with amazing commentary about how perfect my paper is, but I will not get a perfect score because I wrote three pages when the professor wanted 5--EVEN THOUGH I covered everything and analyzed it all and, apparently, wrote it fantastically.

Now, though, I'm past the frustration with constraints; I'm simply burned out. You can only require someone so many times to write about things for which they do not care. Yes, I know that the big joke is that college is one big paper, but COME ON. I've written hundreds of pages over the past four years. I think by this point we have established who can write and who can not. No one is going to, in the next 8 weeks, suddenly figure out how to form a coherent sentence if they do not already know how.

So that is why I ended up writing a five-page paper (yes, I finally made a length requirement!) at five this morning. I have absolutely no motivation to write because I know I can write, my professors know I can write, and I'm just sick and tired of writing. I've burned out on writing, and I've burned out on school.

I used to be the kid who loved school, who couldn't wait to learn new things. It turns out you stop learning new things in 8th grade, and you just continuously re-learn what you've already sat through year after year. Sure, you go more in-depth, but that's really unnecessary. That's why I have avoided science classes all through college (save for Astronomy). I'm fascinated by things like magnets and planets and chemistry, but I have no desire to learn the math behind them and then beat them into the ground. I'd much rather know that there's a north pole and a south pole and that opposites attract, that planets are in space and are fun to color, and that if you mix things together, you can sometimes get other, cooler things.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life because school has made me resent everything in which I could have ever had any interest. I have no desire to be a videographer or a script writer or a journalist. I don't want to sit in front of a computer and draw all day because I have to. I want to film or write or draw because I want to. I guess, though, that being a grown up is about "have to"s and not "want to"s. I don't know that I AM an adult, yet, though. Sure, I'll have graduated college, but I still won't be able to buy "adult" beverages, and since that seems to be the thing by which everyone measures adulthood, I still have a few months after graduation before I turn into an adult much like a carriage turns into a pumpkin.

*and I swear to you, anyone who picks this apart because I talked about writing will only annoy me further. I wrote this like I speak, and I like to add unnecessary commas to signal pauses and modifiers in the wrong places in a sentence because that's how I would say it out loud.