The Countdown is Down to Two Weeks!

So I realize I've been slacking on my blog duties. I'm ever so sorry! Now that graduation is out of the way and packing is very much under the way (see what I did there?), I shall try to blog everyday. I even wrote it down in my journal. The one I described as being "abstract" in my last post. You'd understand what I mean if you saw it.

Anyways, today's (err...tonight's) post is the fourth and final in the "best/worst rides/attractions" series. We will be covering the most recent Walt Disney World Resort Park: Disney's Animal Kingdom. Off we go!

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Disney's Animal Kingdom!

The Bottom 5 Things* at Disney's Animal Kingdom
*there aren't enough rides/shows here for me to come up with 10. Sorry.

5. The Discovery River Boat Cruise.
Yeah. I know, "not fair!" right? The ride technically doesn't exist anymore, but it did at one point, and the characters still ride on it. Seriously, though, what was the thinking behind this one? "I know! We'll have a boat that floats around the entire park!" "Oh yeah? Will people be able to embark and disembark in Asia, Africa, Dinoland USA, and the rest of the sections of the park?" "No! It'll just make a circle! There's no point to it at all! It's like Seinfeld in ride-form: IT'S A RIDE ABOUT NOTHING!" "Well, we need something to spice it up...how about a dragon?" "Yeah, okay, we'll carve a cave that kinda-sorta looks like a dragon and then shoot fire out of it...you know, to get people excited about the Beastly Kingdome land!" "Yeah, about that..." Seriously, Disney, stupidest ride ever...and trying to "jazz it up" with Radio Disney music didn't help at all. The best part about this ride (and the reason I'm mentioning it) was that episode of Sabrina when they all went to Animal Kingdom and went on the boats, got off and exclaimed that it was "so exciting!" and that they had screamed in terror! The only terror felt on these boats was the feeling of never getting off. Ever.

4. The whole of "Discovery Island"/The Tree of Life
I must be missing something here. I've been told that there are "tons!" of animals to see here and that it's all scenic and beautiful. I've seen a few, mostly of the avian variety. Why don't they just call Discovery Island what it really is: the entrance. And as far as that tree goes, yeah, it's great and all, but there is NO way to see it close enough to find all the fun animals. Plus, I have to stand in line to see ITtBaB to see the only available close-up part of it, which I do NOT want to do (see: number 1 on this list). I feel like it's such a waste to put it out there and then make us all squint from the surrounding lands to see the animals. At least give us A) a fun sheet that shows us what animals are where and B) those tourist-y telescope things they have at, like, the beach and at the top of tall buildings. You know, the ones that you put a quarter in?

3. Rafiki's Planet Watch/Conservation Station/the train ride.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that they have a place where we can learn about conservation and about how the animal keepers care for the animals. My main problem is that stupid train. My mom thought it was an actual train ride or something, and I had to explain to her that it was just the only way to get to Rafiki's Planet Watch. I love how there was some after-thought here in the form of "What can we give them to do on the train? Oh, I know, let's cut out a side of the train and show them where the animals sleep/are cared for!" except all you really see is the back of a bunch of buildings, no animals, and trucks driving around.

2. Kilimanjaro Safari.
Sorry. Hate it. It's super-boring, and now that they've changed the story-line from the first time I went, it's not fun anymore. This is one of those rides where they give you a lot of necessary set-up in the queue, but no one pays attention (see also: The Amazing Adventures of Spiderman at IoA, Dr. Doom's Fearfall at IoA). If you aren't watching that man on the TV or listening to your driver, the ride makes NO sense. Seriously, people, it's not just a way to look at animals...there is a plot there, too.

1. It's Tough to be a Bug.
Oh god. I have hated this thing since it first opened. I went to see this show during Animal Kingdom's first year or two and have had a deep, deep hatred of it ever since. See, what happened was my grandparents had taken my brother and I to see Honey, I Shrunk the Audience! at Epcot the day before and had known about the hoses under the seat. Thinking they were being hilarious, they aimed their hoses at us for extra mouse effect. My brother and I were not amused. So, naturally, we thought the effects for ITtbaB would come from under the seat. Boy, were we mistaken. In our attempts to avoid the hoses we assumed were under the seat, we sat sideways on the seat with our arms wrapped around our knees. Now, I spent the whole show with my eyes closed because I hate things jumping out at me in the dark (no, scratch that...I hate things jumping out at me, PERIOD). That scene where the bees come out, we were sure the hose would come from under the seat and blast air on us to feel like bees. We cowered back against the back rest as hard as we could when suddenly THE BACK OF THE SEAT ATTACKED US! I'm pretty sure I had bruises on my arm from that thing. I spent the rest of the show standing up with my eyes closed. I went back to see this with my parents this past March and sat forward in the seat so I didn't have to feel those bees again. Ugh.

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The Top 5 Things at Disney's Animal Kingdom

5. The Shows
On the whole, I'm not a show-going person, but since I couldn't come up with 5 things I like about Animal Kingdom and I don't absolutely hate the shows here, I figured I'd include them. You're welcome.

4. Kali River Rapids
It's short and pretty dumb, but, like the shows, I couldn't come up with 5 things and I don't hate it.

3. Primeval Whirl
Three words describe this: fun, fun, fun. I love every bit of this crazy mouse coaster.

2. Dinosaur/Countdown to Extinction
Dinosaur is AWESOME. I'm not even kidding. I especially enjoy the picture faces everyone makes, and I'm proud of myself for being able to not scream/cringe/make a stupid scared face in the pictures anymore. Mostly, I just look annoyed these days because MAN that Carnotaurus is loud. I don't think people would be as scared if the thing wasn't so loud and bright with the flashing light...Disney loves a sensory overload, though. This one gets extra points, too, for the delicious smell and for the narrator/pre-show. I try to work lines from the pre-show in to everyday conversation. For example: "Flash photography, I wouldn't. It messes with the homing signal and that's. not. good." or "THEY'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT! THEY'RE NOT GONNA MAKE IT!" love it.

1. Expedition: Everest.
This one is tied up there with Tower of Terror for my favorite ride in all of Disney property/ever. It does lose a couple of points because of the broken yeti. My mom had no idea the yeti was even there when she went on it in March since it was in whatever mode throws a strobelight on it. These days, if you don't know it's there and you aren't looking in the general area, you just assume the strobe light is your picture being taken. I was like "Hey, mom! Didn't you love the yeti?" and she goes, "What yeti? The shadow we saw before we went down the hill?" "No, the one at the end in the cave." "There wasn't a yeti there." "Yeah, there was." Other than that, the ride is a solid roller coaster. Awesome, awesome, awesome.

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So I'm thinking that tomorrow's blog will be an overall Best/Worst of Disney and then after that, the food, and then I'll move on to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure.

There's a New Blog In Town, Boys

Things I am doing/want to be doing instead of writing my final papers:

• Learning the dance moves to Beyonce's "Single Ladies"
• Getting five stars on every song on every level of Guitar Hero: World Tour
• Attempting to play using the orange button on regular Guitar Hero
• Packing for Disney
• Surfing the internet, mindlessly
• Making delicious cupcakes
• Laundry
• Typing out lists of things I'd rather be doing
• Blogging, Tweeting, Skyping, Facebooking

It's up to you, the reader, to figure out which of those I am doing and which of those I wish I was doing.

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Anyways, on to what you came for: lists. I'm trying to break these up so they're easier to read. I know they're text-heavy, but that's just because I'm too lazy to look up pictures.

Also, does anyone know if there's an easy LJ-cut equivalent for Blogger?

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Disney's Hollywood Studios

You have to understand a few things, here. The first of those things is that DHS is near and dear to my heart because I worked there for my first CP. It has always, even before my CP, been my favorite, favorite park. The second of those things is that DHS has very few rides--DHS is about the "show," so there are a lot of, well, shows. For this reason, I am including both rides and shows in my lists.

The 5 Worst Attractions at Disney's Hollywood Studios.

5. Fantasmic.

I know this is going to annoy a lot of people, but I really don't like Fantasmic. For one thing, it's dated. You can tell it was created around the time of Pocahontas because of that ridiculous John Smith scene. For another thing, it's just not all that fantastic. There haven't been a lot of real, solid villains in recent Disney movies, so the references here can, at times, feel dated. Seriously, why is Chernabog referenced in so much stuff at Disney World? No kid I know has any idea who that is. During Spectromagic, you can hear the crowd go "Who IS that?" to the Chernabog float. And as much as I love Hercules, not a lot of kids know who Hades is. And he wasn't evil in the way they show him on the water screen. He was more a con-man than a cackling scary person. Oh, and the float parade at the end of the show feels out of place. Like, "Yay! Mickey defeated his nightmare (or whatever the "plot" of the show is)! Let's have every character ever come out! Oh, and let's throw in the tumble monkeys for good measure!" I do wish that Steamboat Willie character came out for meet-and-greets, though.


4. One Man's Dream

I know, I know, I know, I shouldn't put this. I love Walt, as do most people who work for the Company, but I feel like this museum should be somewhere else on property. Like in the Magic Kingdom. It would be great in MK, right at the beginning of Main Street, USA. It feels so out of place at DHS, and its location is terrible. It seems like such an after-thought attraction. Like someone said "We should have a Walt museum!" but there was nowhere to put it. Eventually someone shouted "Hey, there's that big empty stretch of buildings in the back of MGM, let's put it back there where no one goes!" Seriously, if Guests are coming from the right, they stop at the Voyage of the Little Mermaid. If they're coming from the left, they went to Pixar Place and turned for the Great Movie Ride. It's totally ignored.


3. The Voyage of the Little Mermaid

Hey, speaking of the Voyage of the Little Mermaid...I hate it. HATE IT. This may have something to do with my dislike for The Little Mermaid, though. The only redeeming scene in this show is the blacklight effects puppet scene. The stupid Ursula thing though, ugh. I hate that the hands are "puppets" and one CM is always more enthusiastic than the other, making Ursula look like she's had a stroke. One hand will be gesturing wildly while the other is being lazy. Terrible, terrible, terrible. And I never like being splashed with water in a theatre. Mostly because it's always way too cold. "But, Aurora," you say, "You've been out in the heat! The cold water should be refreshing!" Not when it comes after you've been in the air conditioning for an hour! (I'm including the time standing in the lobby, here.) Speaking of the lobby, if they're going to have stuff "come to life" they need to do more. Maybe they had more and most of it is broken...in that case, they need to fix it. Right now, people sound like crazy people when they shout "THAT PICTURE JUST LIT UP!" and no one around them saw it.


2. The Magic of Disney Animation

To be fair, this was down for refurb recently, so they may have fixed my issues with it. For one thing, the only reason anyone does this is for the Animation Academy. And if you think you're being smart and try to sneak through the Art of Disney to get there, you are mistaken. Unless you get particularly lazy CMs, they have been instructed NOT to let you through the store. Which makes sense. It would be like trying to go through the PoTC store to get to the ride just so you can see the final Jack scene or something. You sit through the show, you get to learn to draw. That show, though...can we please get a character OTHER than Mushu. And please, God, don't replace him with Stitch. On my List of Most Annoying Characters, Stitch is rated "More Annoying than Mushu," which is a hard rating to achieve. I'd even accept Tinkerbell, even though I don't like her...the host character should be a classic character that everyone knows. I'm sure some people don't know who Mushu is. (Although, to be fair, people may not know Tinkerbell. We got on the parking tram at AK, and my mom was talking about how excited she was because she met Eeyore. The guy in front of us asked who Eeyore was, and then proceeded to tell us that he had no idea who it was because he "doesn't know these new characters".)

1. Lights, Motors, Action Extreme Stunt Spectacular/Beauty and the Beast/Journey Into Narnia

I couldn't decide which of these I hate more, so I gave them a three-way tie. LMA annoys me because of the stupid lady who hosts it...I might enjoy it more if they dropped the whole "we're shooting a movie!" premise and just said "Hey, we're gonna show you how they do stunts in the movies!" I like not being treated like an idiot. Beauty and the Beast is just over the top cheese. And the Beast's "roaring" is pathetic. I've never been into the Narnia thing, but Autumn told me to rate it here because it's so bad. I have no interest in anything Narnia-related, and I can't imagine it will be there much longer (if it is there anymore at all) because Disney doesn't do the Narnia movies anymore.

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The Top 5 Attractions at Disney's Hollywood Studios

5. Star Tours

I like a good motion simulator, and, while this is in desperate need of an update, it packs a lot of fun. I remember this was my favorite ride at MGM (until ToT came along) when I was a kid. I hate fireworks, and I used to trick my brother into going on Star Tours during the fireworks with the promise of "Oh, yeah, the fireworks won't start until we get out!" That pre-show video cracks me up, too. The hair. Oh god, the hair. I do enjoy the costumes here, too...


4. The Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular

As far as stunt shows go, I obviously prefer this one to LMA (number 1 on my "worst" list). Granted, it, too, needs an update, and it needs to lose the "We're shooting a movie! Look at our cameras!" bit, but it doesn't slap me in the face with the fake-movie like LMA does. This one is more "look how we do this" than "look at us do it". Plus, I really want to be an extra. Really, really, really.


3. Rock'n'Rollercoaster Starring Aerosmith

I'm not a fan of Aerosmith, but I am a fan of rollercoasters. While it may not be the best rollercoaster around (in fact, it's not. By far. And it gives out headaches like candy.) it is fun. I have been tring to pose during the launch for years now, and I am never successful.


2. The Great Movie Ride

Shut up, I think this ride is awesome. I love everything about this ride except for the Busby Berkeley scene being changed to its current, static scene. It looks terrible. They should really take that out or change it or something. My dream job (other than JC skipper) is to be a GMR driver. I'd love that so much! Plus, I'd yell out all the movie names in the montage at the end! And, yes, I have seen both the gangster and the cowboy scene.


1. The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror

This is, by far, my favorite ride on all of Disney property. Seriously. As I write this, I am sitting beside a Tower of Terror poster, there is a Tower of Terror keychain on my keyring, a framed ride photo is sitting on top of my dresser, and there is a Tower of Terror shirt in my laundry. I love it. Every little thing about it. I love the library, I love the boiler room, I love the people who think we're going to drop at the first stop, and, most of all, I love that you can feel the Florida heat coming towards you as your elevator moves forward toward the drop shaft. That is my favorite feeling at Disney World. Anytime I feel anything like that, I am instantly sitting in that elevator. Love it.

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Honorable mentions (you decide if they go in the top or bottom):

• Sounds Dangerous: starring Drew Carey
• The American Idol Experience
• Toy Story Midway Mania
• The Backlot Tour
• Muppetvision: 3-d
• Playhouse Disney: Live on Stage!

The Countdown Continues. Part 2.

So I definitely didn't post yesterday. Whoopsie. TWO posts today, then.

Magic Kingdom Attractions

The BEST attractions at the Magic Kingdom

2. The Monster's Inc. Laugh Floor
There's a lot of hate out there for MILF (yeah, that's the abbreviation. hehe.), and I don't understand why. I've never had a show where I didn't laugh. The audience "participation" is awesome. I love the re-telling of the Monster's Inc. story because the guy that plays Randall always does something wacky and Boo is always the most adorable kid in the park. I also love the mind-reading bit because I once saw it, and when they went to the woman she went "Que?" And had no idea what to do. It was so awkward. And I've always wanted to be "That Guy." In the beginning, they used to reference "That Guy" a whole lot. They seem to have lessened the "That Guy" comments. I bet they had complaints.

1. Philharmagic.
The best and most awesome attraction at the Magic Kingdom. Sure, it's your basic 4-d Disney attraction, but this one trumps all the other because of the delicious pie smell. Oh man, that scent is amazing. I know I've held my arms to the vent so I could smell that aroma all day long on my skin. Even while I'm driving in my car, if I hear "Be Our Guest," I expect to hear the whirring sound of the scent sprayers and smell fresh baked pie coming out of my air vent. Mmmm. They should sell perfume, candles, and/or air fresheners in the Philharmagic gift shop. People would buy it by the case. Or, at least, I would.


The WORST Attractions at the Magic Kingdom

5. The Enchanted Tiki Room: Under New Management.
What IS this? Remember the catchy Tiki Room song? In the tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki, tiki room? Yeah, forget that. Now you get to sit in the Tiki Room and listen to Gilbert Godfried yell at you. And then everyone sings Conga. Because nothing says Disney or Polynesia like Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine. And they sing Hot Hot Hot. Buster Poindexter is not more Polynesian than Ms Estefan. Terrible, terrible, terrible.

4. The Hall of Presidents
It's nice for a nap/to get out of the heat/to tell your teacher you "learned stuff" during your trip to Disney World. I hear there's a type of person who actually enjoys history and learning about the Presidents. Too bad this isn't their list. Boooooring. Heck, even some of the presidents nod off during the show.

3. Any parades/fireworks
Pointless.

2. Stich's Great Escape.
Here's a waste of space. I just came up with a terrible line: The only thing it's great at is making the Guests want to escape! KAZAAAM! I'm convinced the only purpose of the shoulder harnesses is to keep Guests from walking out. Plus, if you have weak shoulders, you will shortly suffer broken shoulders. The only way to survive this attraction is to sit up ridiculously straight at the beginning when the harness comes down and then slouch for the rest of the show. The burp isn't all that bad, but I'm tired of all of Disney rides/shows squirting me with water. I don't enjoy it.

1. The Country Bear Jamboree.
I'm sure this was awesome in 1971. In fact, I'm positive. I just took my mom to the Magic Kingdom, and she wanted to see the Jamboree and see how they've changed it. She, apparently, loved it as a kid...so much so that she had the record with the songs on it. After watching it, she looks at me and goes, "They haven't updated this at all in 40 years. They haven't even replaced the fur." Dear Disney Imagineers, update the music, update the AAs. Seriously.